When I told my dad I threw out my back again last week he gave me a panicked look. Two years ago he went through three different back surgeries in as many months. They pinned and bolted him back into an upright human. I think his panicked look was partly guilt. He blames his own biological weakness that has passed down to me. And he was panicked because there was just nothing he could do about it except sit back and watch me go through the same pain.
Our parents want to spare us their agonies and mistakes. They can't spare us of our genes short of not having us at all. And anyone who survived being a teenager will tell you that we are pretty much bound and determined to rack up as many mistakes as we can no matter how much we are warned against them. Parents must spend their whole lives flinching at every scratch and heartbreak their children experience. But I'll never know because parenthood is the one mistake my parents made that I won't repeat.
Haha, that last picture made me giggle. In junior high I had a friend try to say "he who laughs last thinks slowest, " and instead said, "he who laughs last laughs slowest." That picture reminded me of that.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I wanted to have children there is a part of me that is glad my damaged genes won't be passed down to another generation. I can offer my nieces and the other children in my life all the good parts of me without worrying that I might have given anyone a devastating disease.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who watched her father die of a disease he passed on to her. She is doing as well as can be expected, and thankfully treatments have improved in the past few years, but she has decided not to have children of her own. She cannot bear the thought of them watching her die of a disease they might have. It was painful enough for it to happen to her without having it happen to a third generation. Hopefully her siblings don't pass the gene to their kids.