The Quick and The Dead

I am sick and tired of having to try so hard not to kill people. I can’t tell you how many times in the past year I have almost hit, or a car near me has almost hit, a pedestrian or bicyclist in the street. Clearly no one has taught these people how to be safe in traffic. They all need a parent to put them over a knee and beat their ass. Or, failing that, a ticket big enough to make them think twice next time.

As a driver I do not want to hit your dumb ass when you step out, mid-block, from between two cars with your headphones in and your hoodie up without even looking. I don’t want to have to pick your brain out of my grill. I don’t want to have chest pain from the adrenaline jolt of stopping half an inch from your body only to watch you keep walking, oblivious, as the car on my left screams toward you at 40mph. I do not want to see the look on the other driver’s face as they slam on their brakes and stop just shy of you. I do not need this shit in my life.

So lets all have a lesson shall we.

1.     Take your earphones out of your damn ears long enough to cross the street.

2.     Pull your hood down from around your face so you can see.

3.     Ask yourself, “Am I at a safe place to cross? Am I at a corner? Is there a crosswalk but I am not in it? Is the traffic light in my favor?”

4.     If the answer to the above is no then DO NOT CROSS THERE!

When you have found an appropriate place to cross

1.     Stick your arm out and wave so the approaching driver can see you.

2.     Make eye contact with the driver.

3.     Smile.

4.     Step off the curb with conviction so the driver knows you are crossing.

5.     When you see the driver stopping for you continue walking.

6.     If this street has multiple lanes in each direction repeat above for EVERY traffic lane.

7.     When you are about to cross the centerline to traffic approaching from the opposite direction repeat the above steps for EVERY traffic lane.

Some tips on what NOT to do

1.     If you are out at night DO NOT wear all dark clothing or we will not be able to see you.

2.     Do not cross mid-block.

3.     Do not step out from between cars.

4.     Do not assume anyone is kind enough to stop until you see them do it.

5.   Do not assume that because the first person stopped that the other lanes of traffic will too.

6.     Do not dawdle.

7.     Do not cross against the light. EVER.

And if you ride a bike see my next post.